Whether or not you identify as queer yourself, there’s no time quite like Pride Month in June to revamp your sex life by taking some inspiration from the larger queer community. Despite the fact that the word “queer” has a negative history rooted in bigotry, many members of the LGBTQ community have taken it and made it their own.
Occasionally, you may even hear people talking about “queering it up” when it comes to their sex life and the way they express their sexual identities, in general.
This is a concept even those who don’t identify as queer can embrace by taking the term at its most inclusive meaning – to liberate your sexual identity and sexual routines from unnecessary limits and constraints. Here’s a look at how you can do exactly that this June.
Make your go-to language choices more inclusive
If you sometimes feel as if the traditional body descriptors you grew up with feel outdated in today’s more open, inclusive world, you’re not alone. Many people, queer and otherwise, are ditching gendered, outdated terms in favor of alternatives that sound a lot more inclusive. This is especially important to do if your partner identifies as queer or you sometimes go to bed with people who do.
If you currently have a queer partner, start by opening a dialogue with them on the topic and explicitly asking which terms feel the most comfortable to them. And if you’re flying solo for the moment, consider simply training yourself to use more inclusive language – for example, “internal/external” instead of “vaginal/clitoral” and “genitals” or “junk” instead of “penis” or “vulva”.
Add some inclusive toys to your pleasure chest
These days, the wonderful world of sex toys has a wealth of options to offer pleasure seekers of any gender or sexual identity, and you owe it to yourself to fully explore them. Think of the right toys as fun, effective ways to fully activate your body (or your partner’s), regardless of the anatomy you might be working with.
Vibrators like magic bullets, vibrating wands, finger vibes, and vibrating eggs are designed to stimulate a wide variety of different body parts and are great for exploring. And options like nipple suckers and anal plugs are appropriate for anyone. You can try out different lubes to add even more to your play.
Get to know your body better
Just about everyone grows up fed certain messages about sex, bodies, and everything related to either of those things. We’re trained to view and define sex a certain way. And if anything about how we personally experience it doesn’t match that conditioning, it can leave a person feeling “less than” or like there’s something wrong with them.
Although it doesn’t happen overnight for most people, you can undo a lot of that conditioning by rediscovering your own sexuality and exploring your body’s unique potential to experience pleasure to the fullest. The next time you’re enjoying some solo time, try touching and stimulating every part of your body. Take note of how all of it makes you feel. What felt good that surprised you? Take note of the things you didn’t like, as well.
Explore yes/no/maybe lists
Communication is the key to an incredible sex life no matter who you are, queer or otherwise. That said, a terrific way to move past anything that’s holding you back in bed this June is to focus on candidly talking with your partner about sex more often. Making a collective yes/no/maybe list is a great way to do this, as well as to explore some new potential possibilities in the bedroom.
Create two sheets of paper (or digital documents, if you prefer) with three columns each – one each to represent yes, no, and maybe respectively. Fill them out separately. Then sit down together when you’re ready to discuss them. Take note of each other’s preferences and consider using what you’ve learned about each other to create a sexual bucket list you can work on together.
Accept your sexuality without shame
Part of adopting a more inclusive attitude toward sex definitely has to do with becoming comfortable in your own skin and accepting the ways your body is unique. But this should extend to the mental and emotional aspects of your sexuality, as well.
Do you have any desires, turn-ons, or sexual preferences you’re uncomfortable with or even ashamed of? What about boundaries and turn-offs you may not have communicated to a partner for fear of being rejected or otherwise seen in a negative light? What can you do this June to help unpack some of those things and become more accepting of them?
Of course, these are just a few ways you can inject a hint or two of queer spirit into your sex life. Don’t be afraid to think of more on your own or with your partner along for the ride. You just might wind up glad you did.
