Although threesomes have always been popular adventures to fantasize about, times are changing. People, in general, are becoming more open-minded sexually, which means more folks are comfortable bringing some of their cherished fantasies into reality. And yes, that absolutely includes threesomes.
However, it’s essential to understand that deciding to have a threesome is a little more complicated than deciding to start collecting sex toys or exploring BDSM with your established partner. Since it involves adding another person to your intimate life, it’s crucial to be adequately prepared before you decide to dive in and go for it. Here’s what you to consider.
Communication is super important.
In fact, it’s so important that if you and your partner aren’t yet the type of people who are super-comfortable talking freely about sex, you’ll want to work on that before thinking seriously about a threesome. Threesomes can be fantastic experiences, but clear communication before, during, and afterward is crucial.
Discuss the possibility thoroughly with your partner before even thinking seriously about it. Make sure you’re both 100 percent on board with the idea and establish where your collective boundaries are. Then, if you go ahead with things, check in with one another during and after the threesome to make sure you’re both still on the same page.
Choose your unicorn carefully.
You’ll face many choices as you go through the process of planning your threesome, but your choice of a unicorn – the third party you’ll be bringing into your bed – is the most crucial. Most seasoned threesome connoisseurs are of one opinion or the other when it comes to whether or not your unicorn should be a stranger, so you’ll need to consider which option is truly best for you and your partner.
Although you can choose a friend or acquaintance as a unicorn, you need to ensure it’s the right person. Contrary to what some believe, a threesome isn’t an automatic friendship ruiner, but it can certainly change the dynamic of that friendship. If you go that route, make sure you, your partner, and your friend are all clear on what you expect to happen after you’re done.
Many couples, especially first-timers, decide they’d much rather hook up with a stranger to avoid any possible drama or other complications. That way, the three of you can simply have your fun and then go your separate ways. (If you do go this route, you can find a unicorn that suits you both via personal ads, apps designed for the purposes, and so forth.) First, try meeting up with the person for coffee to make sure you all click well together before officially going ahead with the actual threesome.
It’s OK to have boundaries and deal-breakers.
Many people who would otherwise be interested in a threesome end up holding back because they’re worried saying “yes” means literally every sex act known to man is now on the table, too. Know that this isn’t the case, and you shouldn’t allow your partner or anyone else to make you feel like it is. But that’s where thorough, frank communication can go a long way toward addressing any lingering reservations you might have.
Sit down with your partner and discuss which sex acts you are and aren’t okay with. If there’s something specific you want your partner to do only with you and not your unicorn, be sure to let them know, and encourage them to do the same. It’s okay to have hard limits and boundaries. Even the kinkiest, most highly sexed people out there do, so don’t be afraid to speak up if something doesn’t sit right with you.
Being left out isn’t usually the issue people worry it is.
Another common concern threesome newbies tend to have is that their partner will enjoy interacting with the unicorn more than their usual intimacy with them. They worry about feeling left out or, worse, having their partner discover they prefer having sex with someone else. Know that this isn’t really a thing, although it is a worry many first-timers have.
While your partner will almost certainly enjoy the novelty of being intimate with the unicorn (as will you), they’re not going to pass up the chance to go back and forth between the two of you and enjoy you at the same time. Of course, there will be moments when things feel less even, but that comes with the territory and tends to balance out throughout the experience.
All things considered, threesomes don’t ruin relationships or friendships as long as everyone involved has one for the right reasons. However, a threesome won’t fix a broken relationship and isn’t something anyone should ever feel pressured to do solely to please a partner. But for close, communicative couples in secure relationships, threesomes are nothing but fun. Just consider things carefully before going for it, and you’ll be just fine.
