It goes pretty much without saying that sex is a priority for the great majority of us. When we’re not having it on the regular, we’re probably thinking about it and fantasizing about it. We certainly feel like we could be having better sex and more of it, especially if we suspect we might not be getting enough of it.
Although everyone’s different as far as how much sex they need to be sexually satisfied, if you feel like you’re not getting enough, chances are good that you’re right. What’s “enough” can vary drastically from person to person, but it’s relatively easy to determine whether or not you personally need more (or better) sex than you’re currently getting. Keep an eye out for the following signs.
1. You feel bored with your sex life.
When you’ve been with someone a while and know them like the back of your hand, it’s natural for sex to feel comfortable and familiar. The thought of having sex with your partner should never make you feel bored or uninterested though. If it does, it’s a possible sign that you’re in a funk or that your relationship is in a sexual rut. It could also be a sign that you’re simply not having enough sex in the first place.
If one or both people in a given relationship are burning the candle at both ends, it’s not uncommon for them to feel tapped out at the end of the day, the point at which most people come together to be sexual. Consider mixing things up with the occasional morning romp when the both of you are still fresh instead and see if that helps. Scheduling the occasional romantic getaway to reconnect sexually can be a game changer for many couples as well.
2. You feel sexually unsatisfied (or your partner does).
Whether you’re not having sex often enough or the sex you are having isn’t doing the job, sexual dissatisfaction is a sure sign your bedroom game could use some improvement. If your partner has voiced concerns or told you in so many words that frequency is a problem, it’s important to take them seriously.
Your sex life can’t get better for either of you unless you sit down and talk things through. Make time for a “no judgment” heart-to-heart soon. Take turns discussing what you each like about your current sex life, as well as what you feel could use some improvement. This is a great time to come up with some fun ways to spice things up that you can both get excited about.
3. Your sexual grooming routine is falling by the wayside.
When we feel like we’re getting down and dirty often enough, the state of things “down there” is always on our minds to at least some degree. We naturally want to stay clean, groomed, and maintained at all times because our next opportunity to get a little frisky could happen anytime, right?
When you’re not having enough sex, the opposite tends to be true. We let things go because we’re aware (either consciously or otherwise) that our sex life isn’t everything we’d like it to be. However, it’s important not to give up completely. You could give your partner (either real or potential) the impression that you’re not actually interested. Groom for the sex life you want, not the sex life you have. Going the extra mile to wear lingerie and clothing that makes you feel sexy can be a powerful way to give yourself a boost and make sure you’re sending the right signals.
4.You feel like you’re fantasizing constantly.
When you’re not having enough sex, it makes sense that you’d be fantasizing a lot. Some people think about their partners or reminisce about the sex life they used to have within the context of their relationship. Others find themselves fantasizing more about other people and possibly even wondering if life might be better with somebody else. Some people find they’re dreaming about sex more often and entertaining increasingly wild fantasies.
While fantasy is a normal, healthy part of anyone’s inner sexual life, a given person isn’t going to be doing it to the point of excess if they’re also sexually satisfied. Consider sharing some of your fantasies with your partner and encouraging them to do the same. Then pick a few you both like the sounds of to try in real life. Including your partner in your fantasies is a great way to build intimacy and make sex more exciting for both of you.
5. You’re dealing with a lot of pent-up energy.
Sex is an amazing way to relieve stress and channel excess energy. When you’re having enough of it, you feel relaxed and at peace more often than not. When you’re sex-deprived, you’re probably feeling antsy and restless instead. Some people feel the need to hit the gym or lace up their running shoes more often as a way to deal with some of that extra energy. However, while exercise is never a bad thing and can definitely help you deal with a portion of the issue, you’ll probably still feel like there’s a specific itch that isn’t being scratched.
If that sounds familiar, it’s time to make room in your schedule for some quality time with your partner. You don’t have to have sex , but you should do something together that fosters intimacy and allows you to reconnect as a couple (e.g. a romantic dinner or a weekend getaway to a location you’re both eager to visit). When emotional intimacy is strong, physical intimacy often takes care of itself.
6. You’ve picked up on a distance between you and your partner.
As touched on above, sex and emotional intimacy really do go hand in hand. This makes the general level of closeness between the two of you an excellent factor to look at as you assess whether or not you’re having enough sex over all. If one or both of you have been picking up on a disconnect lately, chances are pretty good that you should be having sex more often.
Even if you personally feel happy with the frequency and quality, there’s a good chance that your partner doesn’t. If you feel like you’re drifting apart, you’re probably not having sex often enough to keep your relationship at its best. For some couples, getting back on track is as simple as making a conscious effort to reconnect with one another, but there’s no shame in thinking about marriage counseling or sex therapy if your problems are more complex.
7. You’re complaining about it to friends with increasing frequency.
When something’s really bothering you, the temptation to complain about it to friends and confidantes can be overwhelming at times. Everyone feels the need to vent about relationship troubles from time to time, but if you’ve been venting about your sex life so often lately that you’re starting to feel like a broken record, you’re not getting it often enough. (Alternatively, you might feel reluctant to talk to friends because you’re embarrassed to admit to how little sex you’ve been having.)
Never be afraid to confide in close friends about what’s going on. You might be surprised to find that although everyone’s experiences will be different, lots of other people you know have been through sexual ruts of their own in the past. Your friends may even have some helpful pointers for getting things back on track sooner rather than later.
8. You’re totally tired of masturbating.
Most people masturbate on at least a semi-regular basis, even if they’re in a relationship or have a regular sex partner. Not only is it a fun way to take ownership of your own pleasure, but it can also be a handy way to relieve a little excess pressure if you’re going through a sexual dry spell. However, if you’ve been finding yourself masturbating so often lately that you’re tired of it, you’re definitely not getting the real thing often enough.
Consider investing in a new addition to your erotic toy chest (or several). Not only will a brand new vibrator, dildo, or anal toy help make going solo a little less lackluster, but toys are a great way to find new inspiration in the bedroom with your partner as well. If you think your partner would be down for the experience, you may even want to suggest shopping for something new and fun to try together. Then see what happens!
At the end of the day, we all experience sexual ruts and dry spells. However, while they can definitely be frustrating, they don’t have to be the end of the world. Communication, experimentation, and patience are the keys to resolving things and getting back on track. Get started today!
