Whether you’ve attempted to have a threeway before or not, we can’t blame you for giving it some serious consideration. Threeways are the stuff fantasies are made of. People that engage in threeways on the regular are considered sexy, courageous free spirits that aren’t afraid to breach boundaries and make the most of their sex lives. If everyone’s involved for the right reasons, threeways can even help strengthen relationships and build confidence.
Even so, fantasizing about having a threeway is one thing. Successfully planning one and actually making sure it doesn’t turn into a disaster is another. We’ll go over everything you need to know before trying it for the first time to ensure a positive, satisfying experience for everyone involved.
Getting the Ball Rolling
Keep in mind that even the most experienced threeway enthusiast in the world did it for the very first time once. They were probably as nervous and anxious as they were excited. They probably felt invested in making sure their first time was as close to meeting expectations as possible.
In other words, they were in the same boat as you once, and everyone has to start somewhere. Great threeways rarely start out as spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment decisions no matter what the movies would have you believe. The key to success is planning and forethought.
1. Make sure everyone involved actually wants to be.
Whether you’re looking to enter into a threeway with your partner or are a curious single looking to join someone else, it’s imperative that everyone be on board from the get-go if you’re going to avoid drama. Either someone is 100% comfortable with having a threeway or they’re not. If not, it should automatically be a no-go. It’s not a bad idea to pre-gauge the chemistry between the three of you either. Try going on a date together prior to the big event so everyone can get a feel for the vibe you generate as a threesome.
2. Set clear boundaries and keep the lines of communication open.
Contrary to popular belief, threesomes aren’t free-for-alls, nor should they be. Everyone involved has boundaries and hard limits that should be respected, so it’s important to establish those before you begin. Speak up in regard to yours and encourage the other two parties to do the same. You should also choose a safe word that any one of you can use to shut down all activity if they’re uncomfortable for any reason.
3. Establish safe sex as a requirement, not an option.
If you’re entering into a threesome with your partner and the two of you don’t usually use condoms, that’s fine, but you need to be smart if you’re thinking about bringing in a third party. Keep in mind that even if you know this person, you don’t know their sexual history, nor do they know yours. Condoms should be considered a must when being intimate with someone new. Keep in mind that condoms should be used on any sex toys you plan on bringing into your play as well.
4. Go easy on the alcohol.
If you’re like most people, a little liquid courage can be par for the course when it comes to exploring new sexual territory and that’s fine. Enjoying a glass of wine or two together to help break the ice and loosen everyone up is fine, but you’ll want to avoid getting wasted. To begin with, full-on drunkenness diminishes the likelihood that those carefully constructed boundaries and limits will be properly respected. Also, too much alcohol can cause issues with sexual performance – probably not something any of you want.
5. Know that it won’t go completely as planned (and that’s OK).
Yes, planning is super important if you’re serious about making your threeway fantasy a reality, but it’s important to realize that it can only get you so far. Maybe it will play out like the five-alarm, movie-quality sex scene you’re picturing and maybe it won’t. At the end of the day, you can’t 100% predict how a threeway will pan out from beginning to end, but that’s also part of the thrill they bring to the table. Just take everything as it comes and embrace your unique experience for what it is.
Performing Like a Champ
So, let’s say you’ve laid all the groundwork. You’ve chosen your bedmates, you’ve done your planning, and your threeway is officially a go. Now what? What makes the difference between turning in a five-star performance and completely screwing things up? Keep the following tips in mind to maximize your chances of not only having an awesome time yourself, but making sure the feeling is mutual.
1. Take the time to build intimacy.
Having sex with two or more people is more like having sex one-on-one than you might think. Even if it’s been made really clear that two of you will be boning at some point that evening, you wouldn’t expect to show up at a new sex partner’s front door and hop immediately into bed. You’d expect to spend some time chatting, having a couple of cocktails, and breaking the ice first. Threesomes are no different. Take your time and give the feeling of intimacy and comfort between the three of you a chance to build for a while before you get down to business.
2. Make sure no one’s left out.
It’s challenging to adequately spread your attention around during a threesome, especially if you’re really in the zone. However, failing to do so is exactly how people wind up feeling left out or getting their feelings hurt. Everyone should be making sure that both other parties are taken care of. If this is something you’ll be entering into as part of a couple, it’s even more important to make sure you’re not getting so distracted by the new person that you’re ignoring or neglecting your partner.
3. Stay involved with what’s going on.
You don’t have to be fully engaged in a specific act to be a proper participant in something that’s happening. Run your hands over both of your partners’ bodies and look for ways to keep yourself connected to what’s going on whether you’re directly pleasuring someone or not. Don’t simply sit there or retreat to a corner because the other two people are interacting and you’re not sure what else to do. That’s an easy way to kill the entire mood for everyone, yourself included.
4. Don’t be a selfish lover.
Whether the threesome was originally your idea or not, don’t assume that this is all about you. Yes, you’re involved and yes, you deserve to enjoy yourself to the fullest, but so do the other two people in the room. The best way to make sure everyone has a good time is for each party to focus more on the pleasure of the other two than on their own. Excellent, satisfying threesomes happen between three giving partners, not three people that are each in it for themselves.
5. Know when to pause the action.
Sooner or later, you’ll probably reach a point in your evening when one person needs to get up and leave the room to use the toilet, get a drink of water, or fetch something from another room. When and if that happens, temporarily hit the pause button on whatever’s going on and wait for them to return. Don’t kiss, touch, or do anything intimate with the person that’s still there. Otherwise, you risk creating feelings of insecurity or making someone feel left out.
6. If you’re not sure, ask for consent.
Even if you’ve had a really thorough discussion about boundaries beforehand, there’s always the chance of wandering into territory that wasn’t covered. Should that happen, it’s best to err on the side of caution and simply ask for permission, especially if you’re worried you might be stepping on your partner’s toes. Keep in mind that you don’t necessarily have to ask for consent verbally. Sometimes something as simple as making eye contact with your partner can be an adequate way to communicate or request acknowledgment.
7. Time your orgasms properly.
Ideally speaking, all of you should come together or within quick succession of one another. Otherwise, those that have already had their fill can get bored and find it harder to stay fully engaged with the other two people. If you’re entering this threesome as part of a couple, it’s best to have your own orgasm while making love to your own partner, as opposed to the third party to avoid any potential issues.
Once all is said and done, it’s probably best if the third person goes home instead of sleeping over. If all three of you already share an exceptionally strong bond, you can make an exception, but it’s important to never risk making either half of a couple feel threatened. It’s also a good idea to talk about the experience afterward to make sure everyone walks away satisfied. Having a great threesome is largely about being polite, considerate, and communicative. Keep that in mind and all will go well!
