It’s a common misconception that being in a healthy relationship means not having or setting boundaries when it comes to your partner. Not only are healthy boundaries essential for a person’s well-being in any type of relationship, but they’re often also the key to keeping the peace in a romantic or sexual partnership.
The following are a few types of boundaries every couple should be setting with one another and respecting when it comes to their partner. Which ones could use some work in your current partnership?
1. Sexual Boundaries
Every person deserves to feel safe and respected when it comes to their intimate life; especially when they’re in a long-term relationship. Establishing sexual boundaries with the reasonable assumption that they’ll be respected is an essential part of cultivating that sense of safety; as well as maintaining a mutually satisfying sex life.
Some types of sexual boundaries will be pretty universal from couple to couple. For example, everyone has hard limits on how far they’re willing to go in the bedroom to please their partner. Everyone also has certain expectations regarding concepts like sexual touch, consent, frequency, and so forth. However, people who have been sexually abused or have had many bad experiences may need to establish additional boundaries.
2. Physical Boundaries
Although sexual boundaries and physical boundaries can (and often do) intersect, they’re not necessarily the same. Physical boundaries deal with a person’s comfort level with things like public displays of affection, bodily privacy, personal space, and personal belongings. And while they’re important, they’re also some of the most challenging boundaries to set with a romantic or sexual partner.
For example, some people really need a certain amount of alone time, especially before or after socializing with other people. Others may be either more or less comfortable with a certain amount of physical affection on an ongoing basis. It’s up to every person to figure out their unique needs and adequately communicate them to their partner.
3. Financial Boundaries
When it comes to the most common topics couples fight about, money tends to top the list with good reason. The traditional way for committed couples to handle money has typically been for both parties to pool all of their funds into a joint account. And while that still works well for some couples, not everyone is comfortable allowing someone else unlimited access to their finances.
Each person within a partnership has the right to decide for themselves how much of their money they’re comfortable merging with their partner’s. Every couple should also thoroughly discuss financial goals and spending habits. As well as set mutually agreed-upon rules for how joint and individual finances should be managed.
4. Emotional Boundaries
Although togetherness and deep intimacy are lovely, necessary things in any relationship, every party within that relationship should have a clear idea of where they end, and their partner begins. And again, everyone should be able to take it more or less for granted that their partner will respect any boundaries set. Your partner isn’t psychic, so it’s essential to communicate when you feel a boundary needs to be set or reinforced.
If there are areas of your relationship where you feel underappreciated or undervalued; bring the issue up for discussion and let your partner know what they can do to help. This is especially important to do when you feel misunderstood; or as if your partner’s natural reaction to certain emotions and feelings isn’t serving your needs. It’s crucial to listen compassionately and without judgment when your partner does the same, as well.
5. Values-Related Boundaries
Although two people in a relationship are likely to have similar views about issues like sex, family, or religion there are bound to be differences. Everyone is entitled to their own authentic opinions and views on absolutely anything. And while it’s okay to agree to disagree in certain areas; it’s important that two people in a relationship feel they can discuss important topics without fear of judgment or belittlement.
If your partner ever makes you feel like they don’t value your thoughts, opinions, or beliefs; it’s time to sit them down for a discussion and set some boundaries. Two people in a loving partnership should feel like they can disagree with their partner or hold a different opinion without being punished or flat-out told they’re wrong for it.
At the end of the day, most relationship issues – sexual, romantic, or otherwise – can be fixed or at least improved by setting better, more clearly defined boundaries. Start with the ones above, but don’t be afraid to address others if they make sense for your unique relationship. It’s the best way to keep your partnership healthy, happy, and strong.
