Relationships are a two-way street and sex should be too, so being comfortable initiating it is important. Doing your part to turn up the heat when you’re raring to go ensures your needs are being met. It helps your partner feel desired too, as no one wants to feel like they’re the only one in the relationship interested in getting down and dirty.
Knowing you’d like to be more proactive about taking the lead is one thing though. Getting to a place where it feels like second nature is another thing entirely. Here are some tips and go-to moves for making it happen like a boss.
Reframe how you think of it.
A lot of people — especially women in relationships with men — don’t initiate sex because they assume if their partner were in the mood, they’d be initiating sex. Don’t think like this, because it’s highly unlikely that you’re right. Sure, they might gently turn you down if they’re truly not in the right headspace at that exact moment, but it’s not because they always want to be the one to decide when (and how) it happens.
Let your body do the talking.
If you’re comfortable verbally asking for sex, either outright or by talking dirty, more power to you. Sometimes when you’re new to being the initiator, it’s easier (and more to the point) to just let your body talk for you though. Get a little handsy with them the next time you’re hanging out together in bed or on the couch. Touch them in a sexy, intimate way that makes it clear what you’re after. Offer them a back rub and see where it goes.
Start foreplay early.
Foreplay doesn’t have to start 10 minutes before you have sex to count. Getting an early start can make things incredibly hot, so start thinking sexy early in the day. Send them off to work in the morning with a long kiss and some playful groping. Flirt with them over text throughout the day to let them know where your mind is. Send a sexy selfie if you feel the urge. By the time they get home, they’ll be completely turned on and more than ready for a good time.
Set the scene properly.
If you’ve got sex on the brain, make sure the would-be scene of the crime makes getting cozy and intimate easy. Put clean, silky sheets on the bed. Play some soft music or light some candles. Put your phone away and encourage them to do the same. Share a glass of wine and some intimate conversation instead of simply scrolling through your social media the way you always do. Facebook and Twitter are not conducive to initiating sex and will still be there when you’re done connecting.
Go ahead and get creative.
Creativity is never a bad thing in the bedroom, so don’t be afraid to think outside the box a little and put your stamp on things. Are you the playful, frisky type? Try greeting them at the door after work in a costume or some lingerie that makes it clear what’s on your mind. Are you more of a die-hard romantic? Cover the bed in rose petals or lead them to you with a series of little poems and hand-written notes. Anything goes here.
Be spontaneous.
Of course, you shouldn’t make the mistake of thinking a good initiation strategy always has to come with a plan. Sometimes keeping your eyes open for golden opportunities and seizing them when they present themselves works just as well. Were you just hit by the urge to start a make-out session during a cuddle session? Go for it. See a chance to spirit your partner away to an out of the way spot during a party? Do it. Learning how to be spontaneous when it comes to sex can lead to some of the hottest encounters of your entire relationship.
Give them a wake-up call.
If you’re like a lot of people, you probably absolutely love waking up to the feeling of your partner kissing you gently, rubbing up against you, or otherwise initiating intimacy. Your partner most likely loves it too and would love to experience that side of you, so feel free to start some action in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning if you feel a mighty need. Be as bold as you want.
Look sexy and feel sexy.
Sexiness starts with how you feel and extends quickly to how you conduct yourself, so never underestimate the power of dressing the part. Wear something that makes you feel like sex on fire. If that means dressing up in something you know your partner likes, that’s great, but it’s much more important that you feel confident, seductive, and ultra-sexy. If you feel your sexiest buck naked or clad in a t-shirt and jeans, then by all means go that route. It’s the attitude that makes you sexy much more than it is the clothes.
