Sex may not be everything when it comes to a relationship, but it’s hard to deny that it’s important. Sexual chemistry and mutual satisfaction in the bedroom factor heavily into how well a given relationship is working out. The lack of sex in a relationship means something as well, although they happen to even the happiest couples every so often.
So how much should you worry about a sexual dry spell? How long is too long to go without having sex? What can you do to encourage a dry spell to end sooner rather than later? Here’s a closer look at the answers to all your burning questions.
When is it time to be concerned about a dry spell?
It’s normal for a couple to be all over each other in the beginning stages of a relationship. It’s also normal (and even healthy) for sex to drop off a little as the relationship deepens and other aspects of life become priorities (e.g. children or flourishing careers). Sexyal dry spells are normal too, especially if one or both of you is going through a tough time.
Having so little good quality sex that either partner feels disconnected from the relationship isn’t normal. If the lack of sex in your relationship is severe enough that you’ve noticed it and been frustrated by it, that’s a sign something should be done. You’ll also want to examine why there’s been so little intimacy lately.
What are some of the most common reasons they occur?
No two relationships are the same, so neither are any two sexual dry spells. If there’s not an easily identifiable reason your sex life has taken a big hit lately, consider whether it might be one of the following issues.
- Sex Drive Differences: Many couples find they have differing sex drives, especially as they age together. It’s also not uncommon for the partner with the lower sex drive to feel as if they’re constantly being chased down. They may avoid sex as a result.
- Life Stress: The older people get and the busier life becomes, the more likely it becomes that stress will get in the way sooner or later. High levels of work-related pressure, anxiety over things going on with children, and more can all be stressful enough to make it hard to get in the mood for sex.
- Out-of-Whack Priorities: No one thinks of it this way, but sex is something that needs to be consciously prioritized in a relationship, especially once major priority changers like kids are part of the mix.
- Body Image Issues: If either of you hasn’t been particularly happy with your body lately, it may be affecting your collective approach to your sex life to a greater degree than you realize. Body image issues can make you feel disconnected from the sexual side of your personality and one another.
- Underlying Relationship Problems: If something stressful or problematic is going on in your relationship outside of the bedroom, it makes sense that it would eventually affect your sex life as well.
How can you break out of a sexual dry spell?
If there’s an underlying reason you’re just not getting busy in the sack the way you used to, addressing that issue should help. But what about the times there’s no discernible reason? Sometimes people do just fall out of the habit of having sex regularly, but it’s easier than you think to find your way back. Try the following ideas on for size.
- Think Sexier: The body and mind tend to stay in sync with one another, so start by actively getting yourself back into sexual headspace. What puts you (and your partner) in the mood to be sexual? Is it sexy lingerie, erotica, steamy movies, or something else entirely? Set aside some time to partake in whatever it is on your own, together, or both.
- Talk It Out: Communication is a vital part of any active, happy, healthy sex life, so make sure you and your partner are talking about what’s been going on. Talk through any issues, concerns, or worries each of you may be having. Take turns offering up ideas that you each think might help you get back on track as well.
- Try Something New: If it’s been a while since the last time the two of you tried something new in the bedroom, this is a great time to explore some new territory. A vibrating bullet can be a great way to add some extra oomph to your play and take some of the pressure off as far as reaching orgasm. Lubes, costumes, light bondage gear, and more can be fun to play with as well.
Eventually, thinking sexually will start to feel natural again, and being intimate will become instinctual. Until then, just relax, take your time, and enjoy the process.
