If you’ve been feeling like just about everyone seems a lot more comfortable discussing their sex lives lately, it’s not your imagination. Changing social norms and an increasing degree of sex positivity mean sexual topics are no longer as taboo as they once were, and that’s a wonderful thing. However, it’s important to realize that there’s still such a thing as oversharing when it comes to talking about sex. Here are a few dos and don’ts to help you determine when it’s OK to be vocal and when it’s better to simply keep mum instead.
DO talk about turn-ons and turn-offs with your partner.
Communication is the key to satisfying sex with someone else, whether that’s a long-term partner or someone you’re only interested in for the evening. Talking openly about turn-ons and turn-offs is the best, most direct way to hotter, more satisfying sex for both of you. Do it often, both to address actual potential issues and for the sake of having more fun together. Not only is talking about sex with a partner helpful, but it can be pretty darned hot as well.
DON’T post about your sex life online.
The comfortable distance that comes with talking from behind a screen can make it all too easy to overshare on social media. That might be fine when you’re talking about what you had for lunch, but make sure you’re not doing it regarding your sex life. Whether it feels like it or not, just about everyone can potentially see that post, which puts you at risk for losing the trust of anyone else involved. Plus, impromptu social media posts have a way of coming back around to bite you when you least expect it, so err on the side of caution.
DO talk to trusted friends about sex.
If you really do feel the need to toot your own horn about the hot one-night stand you had last week or how hard you rocked someone’s world the other night, turn to a good friend instead. Just make sure it’s someone you know you can trust to keep what you say to themselves, and always use common sense when sharing personal details about other people. Otherwise, it’s probably better to limit your kiss and tell session to your personal journal instead.
DON’T talk about sex at work.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking being close with your coworkers makes it a good idea to bring sex talk to the office with you. It’s not necessarily about the other person’s ability to handle it or not. It’s that it’s all too easy for inappropriate talk of any kind to be misconstrued and lead to serious trouble down the line. You never know who may take something you say the wrong way or accidentally overhear something you meant to keep just between you and your best office buddy. Sex talk at work could easily cost you your job or worse.
DO practice difficult talks.
Some conversations really don’t get any easier even if you’re 100 percent comfortable talking about sex under normal circumstances. Then there are those out there who are just shyer and more reserved when it comes to frank discussion about intimate topics. “Difficult” can mean something different for everyone whether the discussion in question is about birth control, STD status, or a personal kink you’d really like to explore. Rehearsing it to figure out what you’re going to say can really help though, so don’t be afraid to do so.
DON’T talk to anyone and everyone about sex.
It’s fine to be comfortable discussing intimate topics. What you don’t want to do is get so comfortable with sex talk that you bring it up all the time, absolutely anywhere, and to literally everyone. You may think you’re making yourself look like a sexual legend, but you might actually be opening yourself up to all sorts of backtalk, not to mention making a lot of people uncomfortable.
DO consider sex therapy.
Is there something about your sex life that’s been a serious concern for you for a while? Do you find it difficult to impossible to discuss it even with your partner or a really good friend? You may want to consider talking things out with a sex therapist instead. There’s absolutely no shame in seeking help with issues that you feel are holding you back, especially in a safe, professional environment.
DON’T hesitate to get your partner’s OK.
If you’re ever in any doubt as to whether or not sex should be on or off the table outside of your relationship, it’s never a bad idea to ask your partner how they feel. Some people are a lot more comfortable with such things than others, and your partner will likely appreciate your consideration either way. Try it, and see for yourself!
