If you’re like many people, you probably think about sex a lot and often. You likely think ahead to the next time you hope to have it and reflect on past encounters that were especially epic. You probably spend a fair amount of time preparing to have sex when you think an opportunity might be coming up, as well.
But when was the last time you thought much about what happens after the sex? The thing is, most people are usually so concerned with trying to have sex in the first place, they don’t even consider what (if anything) should happen next – sexual aftercare.
But what is sexual aftercare? Why is it important, and what are the benefits of making it a part of your routine? Here’s a closer look at everything you need to know.
What Is Sexual Aftercare?
Sexual aftercare is exactly what it probably sounds like – the act of using the period of time right after you’ve finished having sex to further connect with your partner, address any feelings that might have come up for you both during sex, or both.
In fact, if you’re in the habit of cuddling with your partner after or engaging in a little pillow talk, you’re already engaging in sexual aftercare. And how you handle that “cool down” period can have a real impact on your overall relationship, especially over time.
Who Should Practice Sexual Aftercare?
Sexual aftercare probably makes perfect sense for people in committed monogamous relationships, with most already practicing it as a rule. But what about everyone else? Is aftercare still important if you’re having casual sex or a one-night stand?
Actually, yes. Sexual aftercare will probably play out differently if it’s understood you’re having a one-night stand than it will if you’ve just finished making love to a beloved spouse. But it should still be happening regardless.
What Counts as Sexual Aftercare?
Although cuddling is perhaps the most popular and often practiced type of sexual aftercare, it’s not the only option. Here are some additional examples, including a few that you can definitely work into your post-sex routine if you’re a casual sex lover.
- Asking your partner if they enjoyed the encounter (or letting them know that you did)
- Offering to get your partner a glass of water or a snack
- Exchanging compliments with a partner about their performance, their sex appeal, etc.
- Sharing a shower or bath
- Watching a movie or some television together
And if your encounter involved trying something new – like a new activity, position, lube, or type of sex toy – the aftercare portion of your encounter should always include a check-in session. Discuss what you liked or disliked about the experience, and decide whether it’s anything you’d like to do again in the future.
Keep in mind that sexual aftercare is going to look a little different for everyone, so it’s important to consider your partner’s preferences. For example, some people like to be allowed their personal space after lovemaking, while others are super into being cuddled and held.
And if you don’t actually know your partner, read the room for clues on what to do or ask them outright what they prefer if you’re unsure.
What Are the Benefits of Sexual Aftercare?
Sexual aftercare is important for lots of reasons, including the fact that it’s the polite and caring way to treat another human being after you’ve just been intimate together. Here are some of the other main benefits.
It boosts self-esteem
Even the most confident people sometimes struggle with body-image issues or insecurities, whether their partners realize it or not. Sexual aftercare helps provide reassurance people appreciate (and often need) without their having to ask.
It encourages intimacy
Of course, sex is very intimate in and of itself, but the right approach to aftercare can make it even more so. Cuddling, talking, or even just being blissfully quiet together after sex can really bring a couple closer together. Making a habit of it can really help keep you close over time.
It’s the ideal time to check in
Not everyone is comfortable talking freely about sex, so it’s easy for people to simply gloss over conversations they should really be having with someone they’re intimate with. Sexual aftercare provides a great opportunity to check on your partner, make sure they’re happy with things, and talk about anything they might like to try differently.
It’s a pleasant end to an encounter
You and your partner enjoy the process of becoming aroused together, not to mention the actual act of having sex. It simply makes sense to recover together after you’re done and provides a nice, natural end to a play session.
So, if you’re already practicing sexual aftercare, consider looking for ways to lean into it further. And if you’re not doing it, there’s no time like the present to start. You’ll be glad you did.
