More than half of all women own a vibrator these days and it’s not hard to see why. Vibrators are excellent ways to get to know your body and take control of your own pleasure to say the least. Sure, you could just get yourself off using your hand, but a good vibe brings something special to the table that’s just too good to miss out on. It can teach you a lot you can use to become better at partnered sex as well. In other words, vibrators are amazing and millions of women simply can’t imagine their intimate lives without theirs.
But what about your partner? Here in the 21st century, plenty of guys are super supportive of their lady’s relationship with her vibrator. Some even think it’s pretty darned hot to say the least. However, others feel completely differently. They feel intimidated and bothered. Some even feel jealous or angry. Naturally, every woman hopes her partner will be the excited, supportive type… but what if he’s not? How do you deal with it when your partner hates the idea of your sex toys and what can you do to help improve matters? Here we’ll go over everything you need to know.
Unpacking Your Man’s Reaction
Maybe he’s already found out about your vibrator, either because you told him about it or he stumbled across it on his own. Maybe you just want to be prepared for the day that finally does happen. Whatever the case may be, it’s normal to wonder what his reaction says about him, as well as have questions about what you should do next. Let’s take a look at the possibilities.
He’s Supportive
This is probably the reaction most women hope for when they finally introduce their partner to their vibrator and with good reason. A supportive response means your man is independent and secure in himself. He understands that it’s normal and natural to have a solo sex life, even if you’re in a relationship. After all, he probably has one, so it’s nice to know he’s on board with you having one too.
What should you do? Seize the opportunity to tell him how happy you are to have him and express appreciation for his open-mindedness. Not every girl is this lucky!
He’s Excited
As touched on above, some guys don’t just respond with support when they find out about their partner’s vibrator. They’re super enthusiastic about it. An excited response most likely indicates an adventurous spirit that’s totally into trying new things, both in and out of the bedroom. In fact, your man probably started weighing the possibilities the minute he got the news!
What should you do? Embrace the fun that could come with sharing your toys. Open up a dialogue and invite him to share his thoughts. Bring your vibe into the bedroom sometime if he’s game. It could turn out to be a sublimely pleasurable experience for both of you.
He’s Intimidated
Not every guy is necessarily in the know as to how natural and normal it is for a woman to own a vibrator. Some are less experienced while others are just plain unfamiliar. If that’s your man, then there’s a chance he was confused by the initial discovery. He might even feel a little intimidated or obsolete. Guys that respond this way aren’t bad guys, but they’re nevertheless worried about how they measure up to something that can literally go all night and get you off pretty much every single time.
What should you do? Now’s the time to reassure your man that no matter how much you may like your vibrator, it’s no substitute for the real thing. He masturbates when you’re not around or unavailable and you do the same. No big deal, right?
He’s Angry and/or Jealous
If your boyfriend doesn’t yet know about your vibrator, this is probably what the worst case scenario looks like to you as far as his finding out. You’re not wrong to be worried about it either. Some men really do react with outright anger or jealousy to the discovery of a vibrator. It’s an indicator of some self-esteem issues and a serious lack of confidence.
What should you do? The best thing you can do in this situation is just be honest and ask him to do the same. Explain to him that sometimes you use a vibrator to masturbate, but it doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with him any more than his masturbating when you’re not around means anything is wrong with you. Your man needs to get in better touch with his own feelings and this a great opportunity for you to help him with that.
How to Bring Your Man in on the Action
So let’s say that now he knows. He’s reacted. The two of you have talked about it and he’s hopefully come to accept the existence of your vibrator, no matter how reluctantly. What’s next? Of course, some couples simply decide on a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy as far as how they each masturbate on their own time, but there’s a better option.
This is the perfect opportunity to take your sex life together to the next level by actually getting your man involved. You love having sex with him. You also love your alone time with your vibrator. The two go better together than you might otherwise think and we think your man might agree once he gets the hang of things. Here are some suggestions for turning your bedroom into a truly buzzworthy place to be.
1. Talk about it
Unless you already know your boyfriend is the type that likes surprises, the best way to introduce your vibrator into your coupled sex life is to simply bring it up for discussion the next time you two are engaging in a little pillow talk. Start with “it would be so hot to…” and then finish with something you’d love to try that includes your vibe. Then see where the conversation goes from there.
2. Give him a demonstration
Most guys love nothing more than a spicy little show that’s meant for their eyes only. If that sounds like your guy, consider treating him to one that involves your vibrator. Tell him you want to show him how you make yourself feel good when you’re alone. Then go to town. Don’t forget to invite him to participate, should he feel the urge.
3. Let him take your vibe for a test drive
Many people that are less experienced when it comes to sex toys make the mistake of thinking vibrators are just for women and this is hardly the case. Vibrators are designed to stimulate nerve endings in a variety of pleasurable ways and all bodies have those. That said, it might be worth asking your man if you can use your vibe on him.
Keep in mind that this doesn’t have to involve penetration (unless he wants it to). Start by giving his shaft, his scrotum, or the head of his penis a little buzz with something relatively non-intimidating (like a finger vibe) and then take it from there. Encourage him to tell you what feels best and make suggestions as far as what he’d like you to do next.
4. Start with a massage
Anyone that’s ever used a vibrating massager to soothe tired, aching muscles after a long, hard day at work or at the gym already knows how great vibrations can feel. Lots of sex toys are actually made to double as muscle massagers (i.e. magic wand-style vibrators). That said, a nice, soothing massage is often a really nice, low-pressure way to introduce a vibrator into your sex life.
Start by adding a sweet, no-strings-attached massage to your routine as foreplay at first. Then if either of you is so inclined, you can move things downtown and explore some new horizons together.
5. Shop together
Although there’s definitely something to be said for sharing the toys you already have, it also makes sense to shop for sex toys together at some point, especially once you’ve both decided you like the variety they bring to the table. This is the best way to ensure your new bedroom accessories appeal to both of you.
You don’t necessarily have to go to a brick and mortar shop unless you really want to. Just flip open your laptop some night and browse your favorite online sex shop as part of a fun evening in together. Take turns making suggestions and commenting on the options. Then decide on a sexy purchase and make it together.
At the end of the day, it’s understandable if vibrators and sex toys seem intimidating to a partner that isn’t in the know. However, it’s easy to turn such a situation into a fun learning experience for both of you. Get started today! Your next adventure as a couple awaits.
