Sex is an essential part of any relationship. Not only is it part of how a couple bonds and stays connected over time, but the quality of the sex is often an indicator of the health of the entire relationship. Of course, that’s all fine and dandy when things are going well and working like clockwork. But what about when they’re not?
Sometimes a lack of good quality sex or a decline in frequency results from stress, age, illness, or overly busy schedules. Then there are times when someone appears to be as interested in masturbating as ever, but a lot less interested in having sex with their partner. If that’s something you’re worried about with your partner, it’s possible to get things back on track. Here are some tips for getting started.
It’s probably not about you.
If life, in general, is stressful right now, or you’ve been having problems in other areas of your relationship, it’s understandable that you might be worried about your partner’s masturbation habits. However, it’s doubtful that it has anything to do with you.
The fact of the matter is most people masturbate. They do it whether they’re in a relationship or not and for all sorts of reasons. It’s healthy, natural, and normal – something that almost always comes as part of the deal when you’re in a relationship with another person. Chances are you masturbate, as well, so you know how it is.
Sure, some people may go through phases where they’re masturbating more often than others. But noticing (or suspecting) that your partner is going through a “more often” phase doesn’t necessarily indicate a preference. But any time one of you feels inadequate, or like masturbation might be getting in the way of a healthy relationship, it’s time for a talk.
Talking things out is a must.
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, both in and out of the bedroom. So if you and your partner aren’t in the habit of talking about sex, now is an excellent time to start. Don’t just assume that they prefer doing things solo to doing them with you. Instead, sit them down, and ask if you can talk to them. Just make sure you do so tactfully, as this is a sensitive topic.
- Don’t be accusatory. This includes in regard to your body language, word choices, and body language. Think about how you’d want someone to approach you about this topic.
- Be clear about how you feel and clarify that you want to work through things and make them better.
- Listen to what your partner has to say in response and pay attention to any concerns of their own they do bring up for discussion.
It’s entirely normal to feel a little out of sorts or neglected if something feels off between you and your partner in the bedroom. But it’s important not to let those feelings get in the way of listening to your partner. If they insist that everything’s fine, believe them, and take things from there.
Try adding some sizzle back into your sex life.
A conversation about masturbatory habits may not have been your first choice when it comes to conversation catalysts. But now that you’re talking, why not keep talking and see if you can’t come up with some fun new ideas to explore together? It could be a lot of fun, not to mention the start of a fun new chapter in your sexual story. Here are some ideas to get things started.
Talk about what you’d like to try.
Even the best relationships can fall into sexual ruts sometimes, and even the friskiest couples can benefit from trying something new now and then. That said, there are undoubtedly some things you’d love to try in the bedroom with your partner, and they likely feel the same.
Take turns trading ideas, suggestions, and pet fantasies you’d be open to bringing to life someday. Then make plans to explore your favorites together or spontaneously surprise one another when the mood happens to strike.
Switch up your repertoire.
Every couple has a go-to selection of moves and positions they cycle through over and over. You get to know each other, you learn what works, and you stick to it. But it’s also worth deliberately changing things up regularly.
Take some new positions or locations for a spin every so often. If you usually stick strictly to intercourse, throw some oral or manual stimulation in for variety. It’s worth adding some approachable toys – like a magic bullet or a vibrating cock ring – to the mix, as well. If you like those experiences, consider starting a pleasure chest you can dip into when you’re in the mood for something different.
A healthy sex life is just like anything else worth having in life. It’s something you have to work at and maintain, especially over the long term, but it’s achievable with communication, effort, and understanding. Get started today!
